your thong is hanging out like whoa
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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