I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
