I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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