my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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