No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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