after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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