im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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