Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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