by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
