Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
