I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
