Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
