You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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