i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
