When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
