i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize