the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
