The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize