i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
