I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
