So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
