we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
