addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
