so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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