Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
