Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
