Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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