Cold hands, warm shart.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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