She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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