i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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