This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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