when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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