i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
