I cockslap morals
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
