On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
