now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
