I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
