you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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