what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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