Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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