I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm both gender and math confused
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
