Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's always time for handjobs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The adults are the big ones right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
