it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need a beard to bite.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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