I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
