I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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