Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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