yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Randomize
