butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
