bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
