pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
