He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
