I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
