im drinking this country out of the recession.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am one with the molecules
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
