I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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