seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
