Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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