I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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