dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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