no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
