people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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