so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
