I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize