I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Never joke about your clitoris.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize