He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
