Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
barbara walters just said penis...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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