saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
