You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
