My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
