I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
